Feelin’ Confident Again (posted quickly before I could change my mind)

After losing almost 50lbs over the last year I was pretty happy with the # on the scale but hadn’t paid to much attention to my body, other than that my clothes were baggy, and I had some new-found upper-arm flab.

As soo as I started wearing clothes that fit at my new size, a couple months ago, I got really freaked out. The person in the mirror looked so gaunt to me. When I stepped out of the shower I could make out a few ribs. I thought I looked sick, and after seeing my mother’s weight-loss over the 3 months that she was dying of terminal lung cancer in 2017, it was very very upsetting to see myself looking “guant”.

Now a few months in and still within 5 pounds of the same weight up and down, okay it’s not gone yet. Just last weekend I cringed when complemented at a birthday party. And then I blurted out that I have body dismorphia and said some things that were weird and awkward, ugh.

But today I wore a matchy matchy fitted outfit and I felt good, I felt like I looked “normal” and I was confident at work, not wishing I had a big sweater to hide in.

So I had my husband take this terrible picture to celebrate.🤣

Taking it one day at a time.

(P.S. I actually looks much less “thin” in this photo than I look to myself when I look in the mirror. So maybe taking photos is a better plan going forward than using my mirror.)